HARRY POTTER.

There are no words to describe my lifelong obsession coming to an end. It’s the end of an era of my life. I’m legitimately going to cry when it’s all over. Sob. Harry Potter is my life. MY LIFEEEEEEE. MY LOVEEEEE. No words. Just no words.

^This trailer will blow your mind. So GOOD.

I”M IN LOVE.

And the fact that I just posted a blog about this officially makes me a nerd. A geek. Whatever. I don’t really care. I LOVE HARRY POTTER.

As I begin to prepare for the year ahead of me, my passion and desire for Christ grows and strengthens everyday. Never have I been more aware of how much He works in my life. Never have I been more aware of how important my relationship with Him is. In these past weeks, I have felt more emotions than I think I’ve felt in my whole life. It has been a whirlwind of emotions. Everything I have ever known is changing, and my adjustment has been anything but smooth. I’ve come to understand how important God is in these hard times. As I’ve struggled to adjust my thinking and expectations to these changes, God’s loving care, his grace, and his comfort has surrounded me.

Yet it took me awhile to finally lay my struggles at his feet. In my stubbornness, I thought that I could handle it on my own. I thought I would just get over it in time. No matter how many struggles and trials I go through, I always try it my way first. And I always fail. Miserably. Yet each time, God is there to comfort and care for me.

Now, as I am struggling with these trials, the importance of my relationship with Christ becomes stronger and stronger. I know that things will only get harder. I have many more struggles ahead of me. Responsibilities and decisions will soon be confronting me, and my dependence on my parents diminishes. Now, more than ever, my passion to be strongly rooted and filled with Christ grows. Soon, I will begin to make my own decisions. I will start to build my life as an independent adult. I’m no longer an innocent child. Those days are behind me. The decision to have a relationship with Christ is truly mine now. There won’t be someone waking me up for church on Sunday. No teacher forcing me to memorize Bible verses. No school providing a mandatory chapel for me. It is all up to me now.

I’m scared out of my mind to go to college. Scared of the peer pressure. Scared of the opportunities that will inevitably arise. Even scared of myself a little bit. I don’t want to go to college and change who I am. Don’t want to change my beliefs and morals. Just scared.

As I struggle with these things, my desire to grow closer to God deepens. He is the only way I can make through these trials. His comfort and love melts away my fear and fills me with trust and faith in His plan. If I follow Him, He will navigate my way through the maze of confusion and decisions that lie ahead of me. The hard part is actually trusting Him and not listening to the nagging doubts in my head. Much easier said than done. But all I can do is try and try again.

“Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.”    -Deuteronomy 31:6

“God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble. Therefore will not we fear, though the earth be removed, and though the mountains be carried into the midst of the sea; Though the waters thereof roar and be troubled, though the mountains shake with the swelling thereof.”    -Psalms 46:1-3

“And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. For those God foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the likeness of his Son, that he might be the firstborn among many brothers. And those he predestined, he also called; those he called, he also justified; those he justified, he also glorified. What, then, shall we say in response to this? If God is for us, who can be against us? He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all—how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things? Who will bring any charge against those whom God has chosen? It is God who justifies. Who is he that condemns? Christ Jesus, who died—more than that, who was raised to life—is at the right hand of God and is also interceding for us. Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword?”    -Romans 8:28-35

I AM a high school graduate.

Wow.

It’s crazy. You spend so much of your life doing one thing. The same thing. Everyday. Going to the same places. Seeing the same people. And now, I’m supposed to just change everything. Find a whole new routine. Go to a new place. See new people. Do different things. That’s a lot for one person to handle! Tomorrow, I am enrolling at OSU. It’s all beginning. And I feel lost. Confused. Behind. Unsure. Scared.

Yet. There’s excitement for things to come. Joy for change. Interest in new things.

I don’t think that I truly feel these changes yet. I’m scared and excited and interested and all of these emotions. But nothing has actually changed yet. It still feels like just another summer. As if I’ll return to OCS in August. But I won’t. I don’t truly feel that. But I dread the day that I do. Change is hard for me to handle. It will be a bad day.

But….

Mama still says I’m a big girl now.

Even if I don’t feel like it yet.